Everyone Wins: What Mah Jong Reminded Me About Fundraising
2026 is suddenly the year of mah jong, and while I am not always trendy, I have learned how to play and even joined a weekly game. And you’d think … I thought … that friendly competition would be just that – FRIENDLY.
But last week’s game took a turn for the worse over a disagreement about game rules. There were raised voices. There was a “call a friend” moment where an instructor was asked to send written verification of the rules. There was a days-long group chat that those of us who weren’t in the fight tried to ignore.
You’re probably asking yourself: What does this have to do with fundraising?
• She’s in my portfolio.
• She is an alumna of the College of Arts & Sciences – why would she support the Engineering programs?
• She only likes to come to events – we shouldn’t ask for another gift.
• Do I get credit for a planned gift even though it won’t be received for years?
If you’ve worked on a large or national organization’s development team for more than a week, you’ve heard every one of these. Maybe you’ve said a few. (I have.)
Mah jong and major gifts have more in common than you’d think. Both are played at a table with people you like. Both have rules that look simple until they aren’t. And both can turn a perfectly lovely afternoon into a days-long group chat.
A little competition is healthy … until it isn’t
Let’s be honest: fundraisers are competitive. We have goals, metrics, and dashboards, and most of us like to win. That drive is a good thing. It gets us on the road, gets visits on the calendar, and gets the ask made.
But when the competition turns inward – when the person we’re racing is the colleague down the hall instead of the goal – something goes wrong. Prospects get guarded like the last tile in the wall. Information stops getting shared. A donor gets two calls in the same week from the same institution … or no call at all, because everyone assumed someone else had it.
Know the rules before you play
Here’s what struck me about our mah jong blowup: nobody was being a bad sport on purpose. Two people were playing by two different sets of rules, and both were absolutely sure they were right.
Sound familiar?
Most tension on a development team comes from rules that are unwritten, unclear, or unevenly applied. Before the next disagreement, make sure your team can answer these questions:
• Portfolio assignments: Who is assigned to whom? How do prospects move in and out of a portfolio? What happens when a donor has ties to more than one school or program?
• Gift credit: What counts as hard credit and soft credit? When is credit shared across units or officers? How does a gift count toward individual goals versus the campaign?
• Planned gifts: When and how do they count – at face value, at present value, when documented, or when realized? This is a policy question, not a debate.
• Event-only donors: Who owns stewardship, and who decides when it’s time to ask?
• Contact and clearance: How do you check in before reaching out to a donor assigned to someone else?
Write it down. Share it. Revisit it regularly – mah jong players learn a new card every year, and your team can adapt, too. And when a dispute does come up, do what my group eventually did: call the instructor. Let your written policy, your director, or your prospect management team settle the question – not the group chat.
The donor chooses – and that’s the point
Let’s go back to that list.
“She’s an Arts & Sciences alumna – why would she support Engineering?” Maybe her granddaughter is an engineering student. Maybe she cares deeply about women in STEM. Maybe a faculty member’s research touched her family. Donors don’t fit neatly into our org charts. Their giving follows their passions, not our portfolios.
“She only likes to come to events.” Then she’s telling you how she likes to engage. That isn’t a reason not to ask – it’s a road map for how to ask.
“Do I get credit for a planned gift?” Check the rules (see above). But first, pause: a donor just told you they want your organization to be part of their legacy. Let’s celebrate that.
When a donor chooses to make a gift – to any program, through any gift officer, in any form – the organization wins. The students, patients, audiences, or communities you serve win. The donor wins, because they’ve found a way to make the difference they care about. And yes, the team wins too, because a donor who has a joyful giving experience is far more likely to give again.
Back to the table
Our game resumes next week. Same table, same players, and – thanks to the instructor’s email – the same rules. I’m told there will be snacks.
The goal was never to beat the person across the table. It was to enjoy the game together. The same is true in fundraising. Learn the rules, play fair, share the tiles, and celebrate every “Mahj!” – even when it isn’t yours.
Does your team need help writing (or rewriting) the rules of the game? Reach out to Team Kat & Mouse to learn more about our rules of engagement.
