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Stop Ghosting me, really, I can take a NO

Updated: Apr 23

Stop Ghosting

Don’t be afraid to tell me NO!

I have always believed that there are only really three outcomes to an “ASK.”

YES, I love what you have put together, and I would simply love to support your mission.

No, I am not interested.

Say thank you for the yes.

As for the NO, if appropriate, try and find out if it is a

  • No for now

  • No forever

  • Is it a no as your ASK did not fit their goals

  • Do they support other missions in front of us in your donation line?

And of course the third option---A lesson learned- I am wiser!

I like YES, best; however, I have always preferred an answer of NO to NO ANSWER at all.

I believe this has come to be called ghosting.

Ghosting is a relatively new colloquial dating term that refers to abruptly cutting off contact with someone without giving that person any warning or explanation for doing so. Even when the person being ghosted reaches out to re-initiate contact or gain closure, they’re met with silence.1 As you can see, it’s called ghosting because it involves someone essentially “vanishing” into thin air as if they were a ghost.

Take out the dating reference, and it has all happened to us when reaching out after a meeting, call, or email chain with a donor that you thought went “Very Well.”

Why do people Ghost you?

It's the Easy Route

The first is that some find it's way easier (in the short-term, anyway) to ghost someone than to have an awkward, uncomfortable conversation about why you’re not in donating (which is why you have to be careful when asking the “why not” questions)

The person doing the ghosting often wants to avoid confrontation or dealing with someone else’s disappointment, so they simply cease all communication and hope the hint is delivered.

They don’t want to hurt your feelings—ARGH.

They feel you are a nice person who wants to change the world, and they don’t want to hurt your feelings.

So, be tough and remember

A NO helps you to learn (third option)

  • How to ask better questions

  • The Donor is not saying no to YOU but to what you have offered or to the mission of your organization.

  • Be understanding and professional as the same person might say YES next time.

How to put the Ghost back in the box

Give them the space to say NO (not interested).

Since getting a no is everybody’s worst fear in the world of fundraising, make it a point to “Go for the NO.” Often it will have a donor share what is standing in the way.

They will feel comfortable sharing what is really going on—what is standing in their way. And, if indeed it is a “no, not ever,” it will free up your time to refill your funnel with those who might just say YES.

If you are leaving messages, sending texts or emails, and are not hearing back from your prospective donor, here are some ways to get to a NO.

Hello, It’s Sharon from the Miami Food Bank.

Thank you so much for the time you spent with me last month. I hope I answered all your questions at that time. If not, I look forward to scheduling a time to speak/meet again in the near future.

If a donation/program/sponsorship does not fit in your plans right now, please let me know, and I will reach out again in the future and continue to share mission updates.

Thank you again for the opportunity to present our mission. I look forward to working with you down the road.

Let’s be honest for a moment- really, really real.

I HATE being ghosted and am so happy that was not a thing back in the dating pool. But, I promise if you learn gracefully, “Go for the No,” you will get ghosted less and get to the yes, and the lesson learned more quickly.

Give us a call at Team Kat & Mouse…We promise to get back to you quickly.

No ghosting from this team!

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